He's Changing Me, One Step At A Time.

I was rather troubled just now. I was all alone and this thought came to me and said,

"You're not filled with the Holy Spirit because if you do, why aren't you joyous now and at all time? Why aren't you all loving? You're not showing the fruit of the Spirits and if you have this Holy Spirit with you, you'll automatically show the fruit of the spirit"

To be truthful, I was very convicted. And I started doubting. I'm not sure if its the devil throwing thoughts to me again to shake my faith and doubt and create more inferiority complexes in me, or is it true that I'm not filled with the Holy Spirit? But what were all those promptings? Wasn't it the Holy Spirit who touched me just now when I sung "Here In My Life"? Wasn't He who was so real throughout the whole prayer meeting just now? Wasn't I speaking in tongues? Were all these things coincidences or were they real?

I'm confused, really. I decided to ask Amelia and her reply was that not always the devil and there could be a problem lying somewhere. Frankly speaking, I was yearning for the answer. At least I really wanna know the source and I really hope that she could diagnose me and pull be back to the track, but she said I'll know the best. The answer is, I really don't know. I was really troubled, like really.

Until I mentioned this thing to Whay Ying over the MSN conversation and she asked how would I know and why do I think this way. I wanted to show her what are the fruit of the Spirits to explain why this thought came to me, so I decided to search for the scripture in my bible. I knew it was somewhere in Galatian but not sure which chapter or verse and guess what? The prompting came again and asked me to read Galatian 5 and my eye was shown straight to verse 4 onwards that says,

4. And if you try to please God by obeying the Law, you have cut yourself off from Christ and his wonderful kindness

5. But the Spirit makes us sure that God will accept us because of our faith in Christ

6. If you are a follower of Christ Jesus, it makes no differences whether you are circumcised or not. All that matters is your faith that makes you love others

7. you were doing so well until someone made you turn from the truth

8. and that person was certainly not sent by the one who chose you

9. a little yeast can change a whole batch of dough,

10. but you belong to the Lord. That makes me certain that you will do what i say, instead of what someone else tells you to do. Whoever is causing trouble for you will be punish

12. i wish that everyone who is upsetting you would not only get circumcised, but would be cut off much more!

13. My friends, you were chosen to be free. So dont use your freedom as an excuse to do anything you want. Use it as an opportunity to serve each other with love

14. All that the Law says can be summed up in the command to love others as much as you love yourself.

15. But if you keep attacking each other like wild animals, you had better watch out or you will destroy yourself

16. If you are guided by the Spirit, you won't obey your selfish desires.

17. The Spirit and your desires are enemies of each other. They are always fighting each other and keeping you from doing what you feel you should.

18. But if you obey the Spirit, the Law of Moses has no control over you.

19. People's desires make them give in to immoral ways, filthy thoughts and shameful deeds

20. They worship idols, practice witchcraft, hate others, and are hard to get along with. People become jealous, angry and selfish. They not only argue and cause trouble, but they are

21. envious. They get drunk, carry on at wild parties, and do other evil things as well. I told you beforem and I'm telling you again: No one who does these things will share in the blessings of God's kingdom

22. God's Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful,

23. gentle and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways.

24. And because we belong to Christ Jesus, we have killed our selfish feelings and desires,

25. God's Spirit has given us life, and so we should follow the Spirit.

26. But don't be conceited or make others jealous by claiming to be better than they are.

Now, I can really boldly tell that I have the Holy Spirit in me and it speaks to me. It was definitely the devil's job just now for putting thoughts in me. Sorry, you have lost, of Mr S.A. Tan HAHA!

And one thing is, this chapter really speaks and I know what I'm supposed to do now. I'm really far away from what I should be but I believe its not a one-night thing. He's changing me, one step at a time.

Thank You, Lord.