Is It That Hard?

Just the other night, a few of my friends came apologizing to me through msn. Actually I don't see the point for them to apologize when I feel that they don't really mean it? As in, when you're really really asking for forgiveness, that's when you've realize what was wrong and I'm sure you won't want to repeat the same thing again right? So don't come to me when you don't even know what's going on. There's seriously no need for apologies because I know that the same thing will bound to happen again. That's because you don't even know what's going on.


And then you suddenly apologized for all you've done these 7 years. Or 4 years? I seriously don't know how to answer you. To be honest, I really really would love to tell you that "you're forgiven", to make you feel better and to die in peace. But deep down, I know I haven't forgotten that deep cut and I doubt the best plastic surgeon in the world could remove that scar. And if I were to tell you I've accepted your apologies, that'd make me a liar. I'm sorry dear. I've been trying very hard to let go for a long time, but the wound still feels so fresh and would pain me from time to time. Give me some time, dear, and I believe I'll make it to tell you before I die.


---


Today's a fruitful day!

I sat in the library from 2.30 - 10.45pm today and I've actually managed to finish glancing through Medical Micro for this Wednesday's revision. And its really different if you study with your own strength, or with God. And He really did cause my brain to absorb like a sponge. He's awesome! Like, always?

"I've learned not to rely on myself but to have the child-like faith that all of us once had when we were much younger" (alxt '08)

Child-like faith, that's what I'm trying to get back to. Is it that hard? Hold my hands, and I know You'll bring me through. Thank You, Jesus.